Why are you here?

New mother and father come to ER with their 1 month-old baby and mom tells me:

“my baby is having large bowel movements after she eats”

and that’s a problem because…
most people get worried when their kid doesn’t poop.
of course the kid looked fantastic and the parents were reassured, but I have a feeling i’ll be seeing a lot more of these new parents over the next year.
People should have to read a book and take a test on childcare before they are allowed to reproduce.

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an 18 year-old girl arrived in the ER via ambulance.

She called 911 after becoming dizzy and nauseated while enjoying the rides at the county fair.

What?
Isn’t that kind of the point?!?
If I didn’t get dizzy on the Scrambler I’d want a refund.

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30 year-old intoxicated female arrives in the ER tearful and stating:

"i just want to go home!"

so why are you here?

"the police told me i could either go to the ER to get sober or go to jail."

?!?
the choice was obvious to me...
(this happens A LOT more than you would believe - can't really blame the PD since they already have their hands full and don't have much time for people who are wasted in public. unfortunately that means i get to play "babysit the obnoxious drunk")